So we have the White Weasel. Originally a Victorian policeman from industrial London, a mess-up with an electrical socket and bad poetry rocketed him forward in the future, to save the world from crime. Shirtless and quiet by day, he transforms into the weasel-tail-wearing, glittery male stripper of fabulousness set to protect the innocent and give them make-overs. All while mixing a perfect martini.
Mr Tiddles. He may look rough, but under that sparkly cowboy hat is a stripy pussycat. Literally. Originally a builder from the smoggy confines of Manchester, he decided to travel to London and become a moustache model, but his dreams were dashed in a terrible accident with a pair of scissors and an angry alley cat. He came back from the ashes like Catwoman, but with better legs, and knew he had more to give. Meeting with the White Weasel at a Raise Aid For Hiddleston’s Kittens concert, he realised his true calling in life was to help fight crime. In chaps.
The twins, Abner and Fabrizio, otherwise known as ‘Ab’ and ‘Fab’. No one ever knows which is which, but they’re both fabulous. The twins rocked up in a travelling gymnast show, but grew bored with the constant flowers and attention from fans at their amazing leaps through feather boas. After a run-in with the Snake Lady, who found that feathery boas are not a good replacement for cobras, they decided to try their luck in the great city of London. After being saved from buying a terrible Gucci shirt by the White Weasel, they now stick around and help him in between the bright lights of the poles.
Pegasus, (Pegsy, to his closest friends)
As a young boy all Pegsy had wanted was a pony. One day his wish came true, but thanks to a jealous sister, a steep hill, and a juicy apple, he suffered a disastrous accident, from which him nor the pony ever fully recovered.
Lost and disheartened, Pegsy had turned to a life of drugs and sex, until he hit rock-bottom. One night, as he was wandering helplessly through the drugstore, trying to smuggle Nyquil, his eyes fell on a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper and it spoke to him (it might have been the hallucinogens he was on at the time) and told him to face his fears-to rise above them!
Thus, like a pheonix, rising from the ashes, Pegsy donned his pastel mane, horn, and hooves and galloped his way into the Glitterati to help fight crime. When he isn’t busy kicking ass with the Glitterati, you can find him dancing at the club on fetish night, or at the drug store buying more Lisa Frank stationary.
Amelia Pinkleworth. The hapless promotions manager of The Glitterati with a penchant for apple cider and diamanté chaps. After a failing career as a record-breaking go-go dancer, she decided she wanted an easier pace of life, directing from behind the scenes. A night of half-cooked brownies and schnapps led to her falling from a balcony – only to be saved by a glittering weasel. Finding out the secret identity of the White Weasel, she vowed to both aid them and book their parties with extra tips. Although the White Weasel has vowed to keep his fabulousness from hurting any man or woman, she harbours a deep crush on him that only worsens when he does the Triple Backflip and Curl.
Where would any glittery crime-fighters be without a getaway driver? Enter Charlie the Unicorn. His mother was a disgruntled mare with a drinking problem, and his father was a stallion with a need for speed. Shocking all the other unicorns by showing an aptitude for driving, he was banished from the magical land of New York and clopped onto a plane bound for Merry Ol’ England. After mistaking the White Weasel for a string of cotton candy in a near miss at a sweet shop, he offered to make up for it by being the chauffeur. Never too far behind the Glitterati with his trademark van and a fabulously polished rainbow mane, Charlie usually comes in at the last moment with rescue and a snappy line.
Ranier Lacoste. Once a down on his luck French photographer, until Charlie picked him up out of a skip near Chiswick. Now, he follows the White Weasel and his cohorts, preserving their crime fighting adventures for all posterity. When he’s not showing his own posterior on the stage, that is. With his trademarked striped tie and Doc Martens, he stomps around after the crew, snapping and flashing for all to see. Just don’t ask him to show you his light box. That’s two hours you’ll never get back.
Barbella, also known as Dave, grew up in the middle of nowhere USA. He started lifting weights to escape his bitter, boring life, and kept lifting until he was literally the size of a small tractor. After a run in with a semi, which he lost, Barbella was forced into rehab, but the painkillers had a strange…”effect” on him. All of his muscle went to his groin giving him the power to satisfy any and all who desired his fabulousness. He now dances for The Glitterati. Thanks to his super power, few ever go unsatisfied.
And with every crime-fighting pole-dancing troupe, there must be a villain. Enter Marty Frederick. An unassuming nerdy type, he was the White Weasel’s biggest fan, until the glitter-clad superhero refused his autograph at the end of a show. After immediately storming home and ripping down his posters of the fabulous hero in a teenage-style strop, Marty vowed vengeance on Brick and his Glitterati. With a rich father in the mafia, and a mother as a librarian, he was set to create the largest drugs ring London had ever seen, all while checking out books on time. Can he be stopped? Will the Glitterati catch him? And will he ever get some decent clothes?